We believe in the theory of discipline which was first expressed by a man named Skinner who found through his studies that behaviors both positive and negative are formed by the "reinforcement" of those behaviors. What this means is that when you do something that gives you pleasure in some way, you tend to do it again, and conversely what gets you nothing in the way of pleasure, you tend to forget about doing. Simple, yes? Well, not really.
The thing that makes this less than simple is that humans are perversely likely to take any attention, even punishment , as a reinforcer. What this means is that you must be very careful not to reinforce bad behaviors by constantly paying attention to them. I realize that this is very difficult, but in order for the following recipe for creating well behaved children to work it must be done.
The theory is fairly simple. Behaviors are either reinforced or extinguished by your actions. If you want a behavior to change you must reinforce the changes as they occur bit by bit. This is called "shaping' the behavior. For example, if you want a child to pick up his room, you should reinforce the act of picking up one toy, then three toys, then making the bed, then the whole room, bit by bit.
Reinforcement should take the form of some tangible treat or reward that the child will find rewarding, coupled with verbal praise, hugs, or other forms of positive personal attention. Just the reward will work at first, but our goal is to have a child who will be good for the positive attention alone, not just for a "bribe". As the behavior improves, we will reduce the treats to an occasional snack or M&M. This will make the behavior long lasting. Look at how adults will go to a lousy job day after day even when they are only paid twice a month!
To make an established behavior go away is more difficult, as anyone who has tried to diet can tell you. Extinguishing a behavior requires that the child receive absolutely no pleasure or reward for doing it. This is impossible with most behaviors because children who misbehave have established a pattern of getting negative attention (which is better than no attention at all) whenever they misbehave. You can't let Johnny beat up another kid, but when you intervene, you subtly reinforce that behavior in his twisted little mind. You have to do the best you can while trying not to reward the behavior with too much attention. Just remember, extinguishing the behavior completely is very difficult, but reducing it to a tolerable level is a worthwhile goal.
The punishment for most children which is the most effective in light of what I have just said should involve boredom. We use a "time out" chair to provide "no attention" at Kiddie Kingdom. We try whenever possible to reward positive behaviors and ignore the negatives, however.
To review:
Establish a positive behavior with constant reinforcement
and reward.
Maintain a behavior with occasional reinforcement.
Extinguish a behavior by providing no reward or attention.
I hope these guidelines will be useful and I encourage you to ask questions or follow up with further reading on the subject if you find it interesting.